Couples Therapy: A Journey of Personal Growth

---

Starting couples therapy is often viewed as a significant milestone in a relationship. It can be tempting to think, "Finally, we'll fix what's wrong with my partner." However, this journey frequently leads to unexpected personal insights.

Couples therapy isn't solely about resolving issues between two people; it's also an opportunity for individual growth. While we might hope to change our partner, we often end up reflecting on ourselves. Relationships can act as mirrors, revealing aspects of our own behaviour and inner world that we may not have recognised.

During therapy, you may be encouraged to explore your own actions and how they contribute to the dynamics of the relationship. This self-examination might uncover patterns rooted in your upbringing or past experiences that influence how you relate to your partner today.

Imagine two dancers performing a duet. At first, each dancer moves to their own rhythm, perhaps stepping on each other's toes or moving out of sync. However, as they begin to understand and appreciate each other's unique style and timing, they adjust their movements. With practice and mutual respect, they create a graceful performance that neither could achieve alone. In the same way, recognising and embracing individual differences in a relationship can lead to a stronger, more fulfilling partnership.

This stage of acknowledging and accepting differences is often referred to as differentiation. It's a natural phase where partners begin to assert their individuality within the relationship. Embracing this phase involves learning to self-soothe, expressing personal needs and desires, and being comfortable with healthy disagreements.

You might find yourself rediscovering hobbies, reconnecting with old friends, or pursuing new interests that you had set aside. Nurturing your own identity doesn't diminish the relationship; instead, it enriches it by bringing more of yourself to the partnership. While this shift can feel unsettling, it's a crucial part of developing a mature and healthy connection.

Individual therapy can be particularly beneficial during this time. It offers a dedicated space to delve deeper into personal growth, understand your contributions to relationship challenges, and integrate the insights gained from couples sessions.

Building supportive relationships outside of your partnership is also valuable. Joining communities or groups can provide additional encouragement and promote personal development. It reminds us that while our partner is important, they shouldn't be our only source of fulfilment.

In the end, while you may start couples therapy hoping your partner will change, you might be pleasantly surprised by the personal transformation you experience. As George Bernard Shaw aptly said, "Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything."

If individual or couples counselling is something you're considering, please feel welcome to set up an appointment.